Home Delivered Marine Diesel Engine Repair Tips

During sunrise on a chilly Sunday morning, District of Columbia citizen Matt uses an amplifier to ensure residents in the 3100 block of P St NW “enjoy”—in their comfy beds—the finer points of marine diesel engine repair. (Copyright © 2008: David Klavitter)

“If engine system was drained for storage, the next step is to remove the front pump cover,” blared Matt, whose loud words echoed down the tree-lined street at 7:10 a.m. “Carefully inspect the rubber impeller for any deterioration or nicks. Then lightly lubricate the pump impeller, replace gasket and cover securely when inspection and lubrication have been completed…”

The two-hour long amplified lecture was part of an ongoing series designed to demonstrate the absurdity of D.C.’s broken noise law. The current statute provides unlimited volume for non-commercial speech anywhere in the city between 7 a.m. and 9 p.m.

Matt, who lives on G Street NE, used the amplifier to blare his favorite topic at 90 decibels, which was measured 50 feet from the amplifier.

While disappointed that others did not share his enthusiasm for the mundane subject, the long-winded D.C. resident was thrilled to have a captive—and not necessarily willing—early morning audience.

Matt bellowed to reluctant listeners he’d rather be sleeping, but nonetheless thanked the D.C. city council for sponsoring his perverse and absurd activity, which other unreasonable amplified people force him to experience every weekend.

Matt simply wants the city to fix the law and protect his quiet enjoyment at home.